Write a review of your life — or the life of someone close to you — as if it were a movie or a book.
Someone You Should Know. By: Tabitha Tattler
Hello readers of the Busy-Body Gazette! This is our weekly segment where we review and interview someone we find interesting, inspiring, or, even better, infamous.
Today we are reviewing the life and times of one extraordinary and multifaceted man . . . well, eh, we don’t think he is really a man; perhaps, one outstanding human being . . . hum, no that doesn’t seem to fit either.
Well, when in doubt go to the source, (at least that’s what they taught us in journalism class)! And that is exactly what I did. In order to get into all the juicy details, we must first be introduced to him.
In preparation for this piece, I scheduled a one on one interview with him.
T: So, Mr. Bam, if you don’t mind a somewhat intrusive question, may I ask what sort of person, or, eh, thing are you?
B: Why, that’s quite simple of all you could ask, I’m surprised you felt the need to take up the task. I am, very clearly, a Gam.
T: A Gam?
B: Why yes, yes of course, a Gam I am, I am.
T: Eh, okay. And what exactly is a Gam?
B: What is a Gam? Why, silly thing, I am, I am.
T: And is there any other; perhaps a father or mother . . . I mean mom?
B: Why, yes of course, I am not the only Gam. In fact, I have an entire fam.
T: An entire fam, eh, family you say?
B: Why yes, silly dear, how do you think I got here? I didn’t poof from nothing and suddenly become something. I didn’t appear by an act of magic, or pop up out of a bowl of lagic.
T: Eh, lagic?
B: Why yes, lagic is a soup we love to eat. We sometimes eat it with veggies or simply with meat.
T: I see, well, that’s all very good, I think we have that taken care of, more or less.
As you can see, speaking with Bam the Gam can be a bit tiring.
He is a fellow who loves to eat and gab. In fact, one could say his entire life has been spent with his mouth wide-open. He embraces cuisine and conversation as if they were the one and the same; and he relishes each of them equally.
He is a bit on the large side, standing some nine feet and six and three-quarter inches tall. He is round, as he likes to say, in just all the right spots, I’d rather be round than not.
He hails from a place called Gam-da-Gam. It seems Gam-da-Gam is a place you can only find on Gamdian maps. But from Bam the Gam we learn that Gam-da-Gam is under a land called Zap. In his own words, he told us, Gam-da-Gam, is on the map, right under the land of Zap. But to find it, you must turn it over and there will be Gam-da-Gam in the shape of a clover. Or, if you should prefer, it is right beside the place called Nur.
Unfortunately, Bam the Gam did not bring his map with him. When I told him his home land was not on any map I had ever seen, he simply replied, Why of course not, silly dear, you need a real map to get there from here.
Apparently, Gam-da-Gam is a land full of music and eating and sunshine. Bam the Gam is particularly fond of chrysanthemums. He says of them, They are delicious, it is no lie, they are doubly-delicious in a chrysan-pie.
Bam the Gam seems to be very much a child at heart. He spends his days playing and relaxing, with some reading thrown in for good measure. When I asked him what sort of things he liked to read the most, he thought for a moment (while scratching his chin) and said, Why, now let me see, I think it would have to be recipes.
There was much more Bam the Gam shared with us, but we are running to the end of our article length.
As we got up to leave and say our good-byes, Bam the Gam told us they never say good-bye in Gam-da-Gam. Why say good-bye, it’s such a sad word dont’ you know. Why not say, See you next time or I’ll watch you as you go?
One last piece of information he offered, was that no self-respecting Gam (though he did say many were not self-respecting!) would ever shake hands. Instead, We point to each elbow, when we have to go.
As we all pointed to our elbows, we watched Bam the Gam skip out the door, down the street, and we saw him no more; eh, I mean again!
(Just FYI, Bam the Gam made his first appearance on this blog in a post here: https://meanderedwanderings.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/bam-the-gam-and-his-distaste-for-ham/ )